My Mother Never...

My mother never showed me the normal way of loving a daughter, at least not what I saw in other mothers. I haven't seen her show any emotion other than anger up until two years ago when she let tears fall out of her eyes for the first time in my conscious life. She loved me, I'm sure. I think she just saw children as material possessions more than human beings who will eventually grow to be something separate from her one day. My brother and I weren't allowed to do our hair certain ways or dress certain ways because it was a reflection of her in her eyes and she didn't want people to "think lowly" of her because of course, anything that wasn't her idea of beautiful and right, was immediately ugly and wrong. Her insecurities ate her alive every day and were the reason for her multiple friend losses, and family cut offs. She always thought people were plotting and planning against her, trying to trick her into believing something that wasn't true. Her friends were always jealous of my father's love for her. They would say things like "I wish my husband looked at me the way your husband looks at you." She would just roll her eyes and change the subject, always blinded by the truth that was right in front of her. These insecurities that she carried blinded her so much that after 23 years of marriage with my father, she blew up the most mundane problems in their relationship, was unfaithful to him, and then left him to rot in a big house where his daughter wasn't present because she was away at college, and his son was always out, distracting himself with drugs and girls to try to forget how his mother neglected him. My mother was so possessive that she cut off all of my father's friends, so he didn't even have anyone to turn to. Not  being able to be alone, he instantly found another woman to fill the void, and married her. My mother collapsed and admitted to me she had made a big mistake and was in an emotional wreck even with her Sancho. I left college to move down to Gilroy with her and her Sancho. Sancho kicked me out, and she said nothing. Now I live on my own and still have lunch with her every Tuesday. Forgiveness is the key to life, right?